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It’s going to be tough, but try to hold fast to the notion that your family member and the border-lion are not one and the same.Rejection sensitivity In addition to fearing abandonment, people with BPD are overly sensitive to rejection.In turn, they distance themselves to avoid feeling controlled. So they try to get closer again, and the cycle repeats. The “Testing” Fight Before I recovered from BPD I would tell people, “I’m just testing you to see how much you love me.” I knew that I couldn’t start with a full-blown BP rage. With each test I set forth and the person passed, I upped the ante and said, “If you loved me, you would do this or that.” People usually accepted the most outrageous and inappropriate behavior to maintain the relationship.
But if I wait until later in the evening to call, she says in an accusatory way, “You’ve been home for how long? ” People often try to avoid feeling bad about their own unpleasant traits, behaviors, or feelings by attributing them (often in an accusing way) to someone else.
I asked her in a very even tone of voice, “What are you getting upset about?
” For the rest of the day she sulked and gave me the silent treatment.” “My mother is the master of double-binds.
The aggression can be turned inward (self-injury, suicide) or turned outward (raging, verbal abuse, domestic violence).
Impulsive aggression is associated with a biological “tug-of-war” between the logical and emotional aspects of the brain, in which the logical side loses. Think of impulsive aggression as a “border-lion,” a ferocious beast that is uncaged when BPs’ emotions are so strong and overwhelming they can no longer be contained.
They anxiously await it, see it when it isn’t there, and overreact to it whether it’s there or not.