Dating during divorce with children
Even so, the presence of someone new, particularly when paraded in front of the spouse and/or children, can enrage the soon-to-be ex, and also create the suspicion that the relationship began as an “affair” before the separation.
The innocent new friend can be deposed by the other side’s lawyer (that is, asked questions that are taken under oath and recorded by a stenographer or even videotaped) and subpoenaed to testify at trial.
If we focus on our children’s needs following a separation or divorce, we will hopefully slow down and keep our perspective as new relationships bloom.Some fathers feel unsure about how to spend blocks of time with their children without a woman present; some mothers are anxious to quickly introduce a “better role model” to their children and have the family that wasn’t possible with the children’s father.Neither situation serves the child’s need for time to adjust to family changes.Dating and new relationships can be complicated, but appropriately integrating children into a new relationship is even more of a challenge. From what I have observed, most people introduce the children to their dating partners far too soon after the new relationship begins.Whether this is because a primary parent does not have sufficient free time to date when the children are with the other parent, or it occurs because of the loneliness that many of us feel as single parents, kids usually get involved with their parents’ new partners way too soon.
Children are a blessing at this time, keeping it “real” and helping us resist the adolescent urge to plunge head first into a new love that blots out all of the hurt from the failed marriage.